plot.

after thinking or to be more precise reacting to what have happened about a month ago,
i am not tired of crying for you,
not tired of thinking about you,
not tired of dreaming of you.

i am sad, i feel hopeless. but i dont care.
the only thing i will do now is wait.
wait for the oppurtunity to talk to you
and to finally know the truth.

till then i will wait.
forever if i must.

leave

why is it that im still so sad.
why.
why wont u talk to me anymore.
u said ud be there
but ure not

_

sigh.
i always ruin everything dont i.

Rubberbands

i would give you all
yes i'd swear id spend it all
if you tell me that you love me
your heart still sings for me.

-tiara

Something i thought of while i was waiting for the bus.
i saw a young man at the back of a lorry
with a nice pink hat
with the word PARADISE on it.
in a way it effected me a little.
it left me an impression that he has been to paradise.
coz he was grinninng when i saw him. haha

Neeeeed.

so i was like reading someone else's blog
and it was some guy who'se head over heels over his girlfriend
like, TOTALLY. lol. in a non sickening kinda way ya noe.
its all so very cheesy. but somehow i kinda like a bit of the cheesy-ness.
the never ending proclamation of undying love. haha.
its so cute.. and hey, if i was the girl id feel happy. ecstatic? nah. not really
id feel happy, really happy.
its like knowing that ure loved. and its in the internet and all.
like everyone knows.... and you know.. and some stalker knows.. lol.

i miss feeling that way.
to feel loved, not by your family. by someone special.
now i sound cheesy. ~ oh well. bye.

Sun

my hours are slumberless.

dearest the shadows i've lived with are numberless.

angels have no thought.

of ever returning you. would they be angry

if i thought of joining you.

Hmm

a friend gave me a really good song
called johari window, its by a local band.
really good.
really really good.

so i was watchin wicked aura today, after work la.
went to town with sis for her haircut.
i just love the passion they bring out from their music.
its fantastic.
i actually started dancing at the bus stop coz the beats were groovy.
its just so natural.

im glad that at least in this city there's a small group who strive for their passion.
makes me happy, makes me smile

Tingle

i stayed home all day today.
i cant find the full moon.
hmm. the frogs are singin again.
i wont mind if it rains tonight.
get a good night sleep, then im off to work.
i cant wait to get some money.
i want to buy something that ive been eyeing on for so long
then i can continue to pursue the one thing ive been longing for.
hmm.

Couture

so today was my second day at coffeebean.
its great.
i know how to do all the ice blend and stuff.
so far i only met one of my school friends
or maybe aquaintance.
ha.
so, i am slightly tired. just slightly.
starting early tmrw.
i feel like listenin to bob marley.
bye.

kopi [coffee]

today first day work at outlet
quite fun la.
made friends. nice place.

i miss you la.

Tadah

i've got this tingly feeling in my heart again. =D

Poof

lol.
i was like tryin to get a pic.
and i accidentally clicked.
so i went ouuuuut today
it was greeeaaat.
^^

heard the ben n jerry thing sucked.
too bad.
rainy day. but everythin was gd
company was awesome.

Drive

we talked about life
and knows of its sorrows.
we talked about love
and the straight and narrow
we talked about sex and a bit of fame
and now you just left me here
all alone again

now you drive, drive, drive
drinking all your life away
talked of nothing else but yourself
leaving your throat dry again all day

drive,drive, drive
wasting your time, thoughts in mind
leave me all alone again this time
like a cat that's left behind.

-tiara

its a song i wrote a long time ago.
life has been good.
im excited.
im gg out tomorrowwwwwww. =)

Drunkard

you jumped around,
hopped around,
with your own bare feet.

now you walk away,
skip away,
helped urself with treats.

you bagged the gin,
you stole the wine
what a little swine.

now you see white stars
on monkey bars
then off you went to planet Mars.

-tiara

somethin i thought of apparently
doesnt make much sense
but whatever.

goes on and on

so its five minutes to three in the morning on the the 3rd of december.
and i am bored
im supposed to send father to physiotherapy later
social life has been pleasant :)
hooray to that.

and i have, at last. found a job.
coffeebean. westmall.
whoever reads my blog can drop by.
so ive been listening to i want you to want me by letters to cleo.
damn. love it. its a cover by cheap trick.
listen to it.

c

MAU

HAHAHAA. EFFIN CUTE AINT IT.
sucha fluff.
wanna cuddle it. <3

out and about

so i went out to watch quarantine
with him.
yesterday.
i scared myself shitless. >.<
but the day was great though. very nice.
=]
i bought amy winehouse's album. worth it

ok, everything will be fine.
it will it will.
oh dear.

Mr Destiny 9 and 14

you go back to her
and i go back to black.

what kind of fuckery were we anyway.
nowadays you dont mean dick to me.

okay, so im looking for a job now.
tomorrow will be gg out with saddiq.
gg to be fun then.
i feel. excited.
:)

shit

today i went to work at my mum's place.
for the first time im frustrated bout how shitty my pay is.
i want to go out and work.
im frustrated
so damn frustrated.
it sucks. this sucks.
father doesnt even say thanks whenever i send him anywhere anyway.
mother doesnt too
what am i? servant is it.
i know you guys are my parents but give me a damn break.

gust

i feel like sitting by the sea
on the sand
while the breeze plays with my hair.
in the afternoon.
with my toes dipped into the sand
ill feel the soft coldness at the tips of my toes.
haha
somehow, it makes me happy.
id want company with me.
i have a sudden craving for pizza.
hmm.

i was looking through my old photos
and i had a nostalgic feeling.


i feel happy today.

buttons

nicole is so damn hot.O.o
went to help my mum, shes annoying today.
i like the beat to the song.
and im watching 50 first dates.
such a nice movie.

went to watch madagascar the other day with someone.
its a funny movie. (:
after that went coffeebean.. and we talked bout stuff.
he was great company though.
hmm~~

teach me tonight

i love this song

feel

at this late hour.
my mind cant help but wander around.
if by any chance u read this, its directly for u.
i am still awaiting ur answer
or maybe to be more precise, ur reasons.
i hate to know that after all these while
i have been naive.
naive to the extent of being dissilusioned in to thinking
the impossible.
i guess im exaggerating that its impossible.
there were so many possibilities.
possibilities of scandal, forgetfullness or just plain
childishness.
i dont know wether to scream to the oblivion.
to weep at whats happened
or to just pretend.
and let time do its magic on me.
its like unraveling all ur secrets that u might have hidden away.
difficult to get and hard to endure.

sometimes when my mind abandons me
and i feel like a five year old.
i start weeping.
hoping that maybe a whimper will reach to ur heart.

u shouldnt be gone completely
when i feel so vulnerable.
i know in my heart of hearts that i still harbour
some feelings just for u.

prom

my outfit for prom.

lol

me and edmund! =D [and some malay guy named jumaat.]
'teehee.
edmund so cute.

well. was nominated for prom queen surprisingly.
had fun.
dance shout.
the prom queen was beautiful though.

longing

im still so very sad.

hmm. tomorrow's my prom.
i just read something i shouldnt have.
why'd u have to leave.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i wish ure still here.

always

for you i was a flame

hmm.
i wonder if i was just a five minutes thing.
i hope i wasnt.
didnt feel like it.
i waited quite a while.
and u just decided to leave.
just like that.
its as though uve never knew me.
as though i mean
nothing
to you.

im distraught if u really must know.

after all the chaotic events that has happened
this rounds it all up then.

amy

to know know knoww him
is to love love looove him.
just to see that smile
it makes my life worthwhile..

ive thought long
if u want to let it go.
then fine.
but could u at least spare me
by talking.
or an answer.

Sailor

i saw the sailor again
how can anyone be so immensely sexy
this is the third time.
syar says he is sex on legs
i cannot agree more

pudding

o level's are ending soon.
im not sure if im bloody happy about it.
haha. of course im happy.
ive got a list of things to do

• find myself a job
• get myself a new hairdo
• go out with my friends
• go to a gig perhaps (hmm.)
• go to the botanic gardens
• GET MY FEDORA!!
• go to the zoo
• go out with my cousin
• stay up till there's no tomorrow
• read and read and read and read.
• form a band (perhaps)
• get myself a new soft toy.
• SLEEPOVER at my house with my friend ^.^
• MORE SLEEPOVERS... jaahahaa.
• work, work.... sigh
  
  thats all
  

i am in a state of voracity.
sigh.

i want something new to eat.
something gourmet.
something that will give my asian tongue a culture shock.
but it must be pleasing.

haha.

thanks Mr. Watterson.
one of my all time fav strips for C&H

click on it to enlarge.

annoyed

i had a sudden surge of anger.
then it disappeared.
i wonder why.

im watching harry potter.
and i hate realising that our life wont be as exciting as theirs.

thank god for the gloomy weather.
at least its cool.

i shall stop whining then if you insist.

i hope u can read it.

i love calvin and hobbes,
he reminds me of a person i know.
its just odd that i had loads of tiger friends too.

im getting quite attached to this blog of mine.

i want to go for a manicure.

goodbye mon ami
i appreciate u saying fairwell.
ill miss you.

au revoir

what are we to do
when fate brings us
to different avenues that we never wanted,
never hoped for,
never wanted it to be.

what are we to do
when life stops us
from all the dreams we worked for


what are we to do
when time scorns at us again
stubbornly not giving in.

what are we to do
when sadness decides to stay?

what are we to do
when the people we cherish most
decides to bid goodbye.

that is when we cry.

-tiara

whats more divine than having a set of watercolour pencils
with a satisfying range of 48 colours?

a sleeping cat on top of those colour pencils with an added paintbrush.

i saw a dead swallow today
i had a feeling that something is amiss,
i didnt expect to know that itll come so soon.

of course im not being an ass by being superstitious
of a dead black swallow
but, a feeling is somthing that i will never ignore.
and no one should ever overlook their feelings

i remember a snippet of a poem
from a book i read.
"what is gone, is gone"

before this moment
i never understood the gravity of the short phrase.
or the profound meaning of it.

but now, i let myself absorb to those five words.
and the only thing i can do
is to keep moving forward.
and i shall

i wonder, what makes an intresting blog
interesting.


hmm.

so, ive been studying a bit.
chems on monday.
and the following days will be hell.

ive been watching videos of cute munchkin kittens.
and then i moved on to ferrets
my life is so boring currently.
but, IT'LL ALL BE OVER. *sighs*

all the surfing around the internet is makin me sick
at least i learnt a bit of something.
i learnt that there only only twenty white tigers left.
if the source of information is right then,
im freaking out.

i wonder if siberians are getting lesser as well
the last time i heard was, there were less than 200 in the world.
in the world, thats pretty little.
but twenty is just pathetic.
its sad.

i hate myself for not contributing much to saving the animals.
i will do it one day.


and for fucks sake
if the buying stops, the killing can too!

remember, remember
the 5th of november
the gunpowder treason and plot
i know of no reason
why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.

somehow or rather, i have a sinking feeling that
i, can never do up that kind of genius.
it seems so simple but clever.
clever but simple.
either ways, its the same.
i wrote that because november is the month where my o levels end.
hahaa, for no rhyme or reason, i just thought about it.

no matter, i must study now. goodday

the only thing i ate since five hours
is a manggo
at least i ate something

the first thing i said when i reached
that place was,
to see you.
by any luck/chance, i just felt like seeing you again.
and i did
i was so,so happy.
i wanted to hug you.
but i didnt.

you know, you look really nice with the new hair-do.

its five in the morning and all i can think about is
you.
i wonder if you read my blog.
you told me not to miss.
but i cant help it.
im sorry.

i hope you know who im talking about
its been a while since we talked.
i cant wait when everything ends

and that i can see you again
and all that i feel now can end.
and i wont miss anymore

sister bought me an mp4
how fucking awesome is that

I drew that on my hand today.
i like it
if i wasnt muslim, i would permanantly ink it on my hand.
isman likes it. my form tcher gave a slight shake of the head
i dont care la.
ohh, sya likes it too.
and i have ingeniously created a way to not
accidentally wash it away while washing my hands.
lol

i notice that i walk fast when im alone at night.
hmm

i saw a kitty cat tonight
was slim and pretty.

tomorrows momma's b'daaayyyyy
getting her Ben N Jerry's. ^^

Flight

one day i'll fly away,
leave all this to yesterday.

so, today was a long day.
went to school, had extra classes, went for night study
did some work.
walked past the ite against the cool night breeze.
night classes were in progress.
all sorts of ppl attended i think.
young and old.
and i thought about their lives a little bit.
thought about my life.
hummed a little tune
sang a little song

that was when i closed my eyes to think of absolutely nothing
but i couldnt.

i want to be best friends with time,
in time.
but alas, i just cannot.

if you think about it,
how can i be friends with him? or her?
when time itself is God.

A second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, Fourth
there it goes,it goes away
now, all hope is lost.

-done by Tiara[me]

tenga feeling
haha.
so i was told to audition for something tomorrrow.
T.T
too bad i cant. thanks Lawrence
if there's anymore roles to audition for,
ring me.

so, thats it then.
today throat was sore.
tchiah
oh ya, saw shafarie and his sister.
!!!!
^^

lol =D

this is like so long ago,
we were at the airport, my family and my cousins family.wee

my cousins cat.
he is as fluffy as the clouds.
love it.
^^

this year has been eventful
lots of deaths and tears
ive never felt this way.
its odd coz on other years i whine about nth.
and now there's things to be sad about
real things

i cried alot
i feel so lost
i want to run away
from everything.
but i know i shouldnt.

i dont feel important anymore
do you think of me?
i always think of you
but nowadays i feel that ure gg away
am i still beautiful in ur eyes?
i hope so

these two boys came over at my house today,
we wrestled for like half an hour.
the one in the left bit me five times, ahah.
the one on the right just kept on hugging my leg.
and both superslammed me.
they strangled me,
haha, what a way to treat an aunty.
but their fun.
and handsome too. ^^

they found the body of my cousin just now.
he's gone.

if there's such things like heaven,
he is supposed to be there.
he better be.
he deserves nothing less.
u were one heck of a fun cousin


Papa has to go for an operation.
a heart op.
hm. i hope it goes on smoothly.

why must everything happen now.
argh.

i attempted on doing something like the chinese opera.
with no reference, i guess it turned out not too bad.
so, im almost done with my video for art.
and im really fond of it.

so so, im gonna bring JENGGA on monday.
and all of us are gg to play during ART.
so wonderful.
i cant wait.
our class is finally starting to warm to each other.
haha.

and i fasted today~~
hehe/

im listening to beyonce. she is damn sexy.
meow.

haha.
during art we started playing jengga.
like uno stacko.
was suuuuuuuuuuperrr fun dee duperr larsxsxzx.
hahah.
it was funny coz everyone was shouting.
me, alison syarini olivia shafarie terrence yuan er
had such a great time together.
CLASS BONDING siol.
ahha.

my cousin is missing.
in the sea.
he made it on the front page of the malay paper two days ago
he has been missing for five days.
if there is a god,
bring him back.
please.

father fainted.
i cant take this much worry.
but ive got to.

i think ive lost faith.
but i must not.

my ninja gang.
i miss them.
im way behind my training.
haha. i miss the girl hugging the blue bag.
she's amazing.
i miss Jason sir, Rafie, Gek Swee,

i miss training.
i miss running.
i miss learning new kicks.
i miss rolling on the floor
i miss Marcus
i miss talking to them.
i miss being at the office taking attendence.
i misss doing sit-ups.
i miss them laughing at me.
i miss punching.
i miss sparring.
i miss the discipline.
i miss the stretched feeling after warm up.
i miss punching.
i miss defending myself from kicks.
i miss their laughter.

i miss them all.

its three in the mornin
on the fourth of september.
and i am wide awake. T.T

omfg

so its the fastin month and all.
huu.

papa's bday was ytd.
did a card
its beside his table at the hospital.
hmm
he didnt feel too well.
i hope he'll be fine.

a sad attempt on taking that tree,
on my cameraphone. god, who am i kidding.

i was so mesmerized by the golden yellow of a few of the leaves
and the sun was just right.
but my phone refuses to capture that
beautiful moment.
pleah.

tomorrow is tchers day.
i dont have anything to give.

i still havent started on the mini movie.
oh poo.
i need actors.
hmmmm =)
i might have someone......

toodles

HOW CUTE IS THAT. god!!
i can squish itt.... squissshhyyy. arhghghgh.
sigh~

so, it was bf birthday ytd.
i did him a card, i guess it was alright. i think.
im supposed to do art.....jaaahjaaahjaaaaaah.

ok.
i should.... gooo.... byeeeeeeeee

a picture i took
nothin special~
going to start on my mini movie.
for art .

i drew a geisha just now.
it took me forever
and it doesnt even look that special.
its nice and all
but,
not special


gah.

.............

i just ended watchin aladdin
how nice.
toodles

its been a while since i went fishing.
i like going with my dad.
when he gets better
we will.
his birthday's on 3rd semptember.
hmm.
boyfriends birthday is coming as well.
hmm. =\

i've been listening to a nice song
jason mraz.
haha. again.
here it is


it does have a happy tune.
it makes me smile.

when i walk to places,
ill always take note of the clothes people wear.
for me, you are, what you wear

it is not difficult to look good.
you must know what colors suits u best.
the ones that can never go wrong.
usually it is black, but,
there are one or two other colors which is even better
ones that can really show off your inner beauty
and ones that will help you get noticed by people.
most importantly you should not be overdressed, coz, you'll look too busy.
you just have to know what's the occasion

when you look good,
you feel good.
when that happens you'll walk with confidence.

Takoyaki

it has occured to me
that something might be very wrong with me.
and i should stop complaining.
just move on. try harder.
i must improve.

i, regretfully have become complacent,
thus,
my progress chart in studies has been to
rock bottom.
that is bad.(thats an understatement -.-)
god.
i think ive lost faith in myself.
i really want it back.
i need it.
i dont really know how to retrieve it back
numerous times i feel that people look down on me.
i want to change that impression,
but i simply dont know how to.

sometimes when certain people look at me
i can feel them wondering,
wondering bout what the hell is this girl gonna do when she's grown.

when i was small,
i always knew what i wanted.
i knew what to do, how to do it, and i will get it.
but now im not so sure anymore.
i know what i want.
but i dont know how to get it, when to start.

i know ive wasted three years.
thats a long time to play.
i confess that i have been a time waster.
and i am guilty of being that.

i try,
but its obvious im not trying hard enough

sometimes i feel like im a complete loser.

but i know i should just keep on trying
it is very unlikely of me to pour out what i really feel inside.
but i feel its about time i say it


i would like to share you a limmerick i find quite funny its from Matilda,

An epicure dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew
Cried the waiter, "dont shout!
And wave it about
or the rest might be wanting one too."

i feel bad posting depressing posts for the past few days.
so on a brighter note, i shall post about kittens.
yes, i am guilty of being hopelessly
in love with cats or kittens or tigers.
FELINES ARE LOVE! ^^. (err, i dont usually say these things.)
for those who dont know me, or dont know me
much,
now you know i absolutely love cats.
dont be fooled, these kittens are unfortunately,
not mine. T.T

haha.
being bullied.
so adorable.
i love ginger cats.~

im exhausted
i guess today's english orals went quite well
it has never been much of a problem though
nothing much to blog on.
i ve been receiving bad news and more bad news.
my mind is tired.

jthe good part was i got a 3 from a 6 for my malay
improved .

i should get a 2.~
but for now, i am satisfied.

Fish head Curry

i am tired.


i can think of younger days
when living for my life
was everything a girl could want to do
i could nvr see tomorrow
but i was nvr told about the sorrow.



what makes the world go round?
i guess its different for everyone.

one of my drawings for art..
hmm
so stressed up.
im doing a video.
but i dont know how to start.
garrrrh...............................................................
went to work at mum's cafe for a while
then went home

having bad cramps
erghh