Life, and then nothing.

Not seeing, blind, as they choose to see what they want. 
They talk, words flowing out and not a thought was spared. 


Slowly, drowning into the shadows with drunken stupor,
we crumble.
Like a burning candle. 
-tiara


each person is fragile.
no matter how hard their exterior is. 

the drugs, they don't seem to work anymore.

i could make you happy;

but never overcome your whole heart.

-areen

maybe one day, you can forget her

and that you are mine, body and soul.

but for now, making you happy is all that i would love to do.

even if your heart is still halfway lost.

i want to be the one that put the pieces back together again.

so you will be able to live the remainder of your life;

happy. i love you.

walk

There is no perfection in life but when i look at you the world becomes perfect.

It evolves and grows and i can see the movement

in your eyes when you look at me, it screams of a love that 

i cannot comprehend. Fragile and beautiful.

Something that I thought i could never have, but i have it now.

With your hand holding mine, I will walk with you.

And love you.

Always.

                                                         

                                                     - tiara

argh

some people are so two-faced it makes me sick.

im angry, its really quite overwhelming.

i want to describe it in words but i just can't.

all i feel like saying now is FUCK and

profanities in other languages.

probably a string of them at one go. 

that kind of anger.

im angry at the two faced son of a bitch at work,

angry at my phone which is not working right,

angry at home.

Angry at how lazy i feel nowadays.

Angry how people can see violence as a good thing.

are you fucking kidding me. 

i'm just fucking angry.

memory

" you will always remember me as the drunk girl with nice eyeliner"

nothing more nothing less.

hmm

i don't have faith but i believe in other things.

i believe in fate and that there is no such thing as coincidence.

i might have met you in my life before, i might have hate or like you 

or perhaps have fallen in love with you at some point of time. 

i believe that all those things happen for a reason and that in some

strange way they happened because they 

need to happen to become the person i am today.

you might not think i have changed for the better

but i have never felt more myself than i have ever felt in years.

to the love of my life,

i will be strong for you, now, tomorrow, forever,

always.

More about me

Appearance
I have/had piercings besides the ears.
I want piercings besides the ears.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have/want a tattoo.
I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I have more than two piercings.

Embarrassment
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health
I’ve gotten stitches.
I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had chicken pox.

Travel
I’ve been to Florida.
I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometers in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Colombia
I’ve been to Cuba.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Ottawa
I’ve been to the Caribbean.
I’ve been to Europe.
Experiences
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve slapped someone.
I’ve kissed someone underwater.
I’ve chugged something.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical. 
I’ve auditioned for something.
I’ve been on stage.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
I’ve pranked someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime
I’ve been threatened to be arrested. 
I’ve broken a law.
I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out.
I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
Death.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone/something die.
Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
I have attempted suicide.
I’ve thought about suicide before.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 5 rap CD’s.
I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
I collected comic books.
I own a lot of makeup.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on E-Bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.
I thrive on compliments.
I thrive on hate.

Random
I can sing lowkey
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news occasionally or always.
I don’t like to kill bugs.
I sing in the shower.
I’m a morning person.
I’m a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar.
I love spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
I bake well.
My favorite colour is either white, yellow, pink ,blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
I’m really ticklish.
I like white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
People
..used ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
..called me fat.
..say I’m skinny.
..have said I’m ugly.
..have said I’m pretty. 
..have spread rumors about me.
..force me to eat. 
..say I eat too much.
..say I eat too little.
Eating
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve gained weight.
I’m at my thinnest.
I’m at my biggest.
I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
My weight affects my mood. A lot.
I diet. 
I’m vegan/vegetarian.
I exercise.
I’ve fainted from exhaustion.
Family
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve planned to run away from home before.
I’ve run away from home.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want kids. (when older)
I’ve had kids.
I’ve lost a child.
Relationships
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’m a swinger.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I have/had a friend with benefits.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I’m a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I’ve kissed a stranger.
Bad times
I regularly drink.
I can’t swallow pills
I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
I have/had anxiety problems.
I shut others out when I’m upset.
I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset.
I have taken/take anti-depressants.
I’ve slept an entire day before.
I’ve plotted revenge.

this is probably the most i would ever reveal myself here.

i dont think i would ever do this again.

understanding

Early in the morning she wakes and brushes her hair.

With each careful stroke all she felt was just despair.

 

For years she felt empty, her heart was made of stone.

That's because her daddy passed and left her all alone.

 

No more genuine laughter and no more tears to shed.

No more warmth and softness as she crawls on back to bed.

 

 People thinks she lost her soul, she flushed it down the loo.

They soon forget that she was human and she had feelings too.

 

- tiara aquila

a friend of mine was my complete inspiration for this and all of this is true.

what she does not know is i completely understand the emptiness she goes through.

all i can do is just talk to her, and hope all goes well.

 

wish me luck.

In deep thought again

 

Before falling asleep last night, I started thinking about things.

How life is all about the choices a person makes. 

Sometimes, we realize the choice we made was bad.

I don't like dwelling on bad choices, it depresses me.

I'm not much of an optimist either. Perhaps i'm more of a realist.

I'm not sure about that either. 

Then i realize that in order to feel better about bad choices,

I either get along with my life or i just stop thinking about it.

Its not that hard to stop thinking about something,

you just get occupied and you'd eventually forget. Eventually.

 

apart from that i've been feeling nervous.

about what, i do not know yet. I'd find out soon, perhaps.

sigh

how can someone else say all the right things at once.

i feel wonderful because i see the love light in your eyes - Eric Clapton
i dont see that light anymore.

i see someone forced to stay.

insomnia

i try very hard not to use the word insomnia because i notice that people seem to find it as though it is an extremely cool and fancy word to use and it has been overused again and again.

but then again, i can't help but to use it if it is exactly what i'm going through. it has been a week without proper sleep and my eyebags gets worse and then comes along the mood that i am in.

all my life i always try to not say things too much because i do not want to annoy people with trivial things such as how is my day and how do i feel about a certain dress or shirt i bought. the less i say, the more people might feel comfortable around me. it was not that i was actually trying to fit in, no. i like being quiet. but there are those moments when i feel like blabbering out all that i really feel about things. sometimes, being quiet and aloof can be my undoing.

people can't seem to understand how i truly feel or what im thinking of when i look at them in a certain way. what is worse, people usually think that the things i say are to be taken lightly. the problem with me is my gestures aren't what people think to be normal. they misunderstand. 

but it really is not their fault, no. its mine. i have been so detached with this world till, so it seems, i am out of touch with the communication of the people around me. 

i feel like an awkward being.

i cant even prove the love of my life how much i love him.

waiting again

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

To the person who wrote this secret, thank you, for your words are true.

Though all of us are different,

some mean, some kind.

Some unique and those who just blend into the surroundings, a wall flower.

We all need saving. 

We cannot live in this world alone, for it is not meant to be that way.

It is meant to be shared. 

Saving does not have to be something big,

It can be a small gesture, like giving a tissue to a sneezing girl.

It makes us remember, that in each of us there is a kindness.

And kindness is priceless., though you may not know it, it will go a long way.

with each day that has come to pass,

i promise that my love will last.

-Tiara Aquila

back

Your life, it was, a wee bit tragic;

because, you think, it lacked love's magic.

You did most things, all on your own;

In fact, you chose, to be alone.
.

You then met a stranger who made you laugh and smile,

they made you feel good, your heart said, "its been awhile".

And now when you look at all the pretty stars above,

you know what it feels like to finally fall in love.

                                                         - tiara aquila

it's been a few months since i said hello.

i felt nothing.

Not the puff of a cigarette,

nor the taste of alcohol in my veins.

it was as though i was looking at life but not really looking at it.

not feeling anything. 

just numb. i couldn't even write anymore.

then i met someone and things changed. funny how that happens.

the poem i wrote is not dedicated to love. 

it is dedicated to the realization that life, is not meant for sadness or loneliness.

Life is knowing that someday, you will be happy and that day, you wouldn't be alone anymore. 

Working things out

"tell them Mark Zuckerberg would do 10 hours of programming.." -The Social Network

i will use my name with confidence someday.

knowing the fact that it is actually worth something;

that having your name for persuasion would close a deal.

isn't that what everyone wants?

i know that's what i want.